It's Friday. Sex?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
