Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm getting married
To pizza
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
