Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
