I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Randomize
