dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
