apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
