I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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