worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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