I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize