You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My vagina is officially offended.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
