WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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