I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
