Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
