I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
