Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I have tasted many bathrooms
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
its liver damage thursday
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
