he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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