She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
