I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
