Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
