when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize