i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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