haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
