In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
