i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Panties = found
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
