put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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