Can i not drive my cunt home
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
