yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
