I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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