its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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