i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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