Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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