The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I have demons in me.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
