I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
