u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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