My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
