If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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