I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
