someone get that fucking seahorse.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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