its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
