Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
40s are totally the cure
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
