part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
