You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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