i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I am midnight drunk by noon
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
