That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize