I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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