You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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