so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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