It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
