Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We left the knife in your bed.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
