My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
it's like iHOP with fire
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
