would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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