New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
