Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
