Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
