Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
