We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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