i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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