not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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