how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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