She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
