I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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