i think i have two assholes
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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