We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
