Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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